Pets Provide A Mirror To Our Own Problems
By Julia Szabo
The New York Post
April, 2, 2000.

Gavriele-Gold, who's penned a book called "When Pets Come Between Partners" (Howell Book House, $14.95) and brings his own three dogs to his Upper West Side office, says pets are quite often an impetus for much-needed treatment.

"What inspired me to write the book was seeing how pets got involved in my patients' relationships," he says. "Until recently, the problem of pets interfering in relationships had been a closet issue. People were embarrassed to talk about it."

Take one case that Gavriele-Gold handled recently, that of Barry, his wife Estelle and their dog Fred. (Their names were changed for this article.)

"Barry came to see me because he was terribly upset," says Gavriele-Gold. "He and Estelle had just moved here from another state, and Barry worried that Fred was missing his 'girlfriend' back home, a Collie, because the dog was acting hostile toward Estelle.

"So I asked Barry if he had a girlfriend back home."

As it turned out, he did. Barry, says Gavriele-Gold, was simply projecting onto the dog his feelings of missing his girlfriend and resenting his wife.

"Once that was clarified, the couple started to look at their relationship, and they realized that they didn't have too much going for them anymore," says Gavriele-Gold. "Barry and Fred later moved in with Barry's girlfriend."

How you treat your animal says a lot about you, adds Gavriele-Gold.

"Look at the way you communicate with your pet, what kinds of feelings get stirred up when you interact," he says.

To further illustrate the connection, Gavriele-Gold points to another case. Sebastian, 39, couldn't stand to be ignored or interrupted - during his childhood, his parents had paid more attention to his brother, who had severe emotional problems.

"Sebastian's girlfriend, Sybil, had two Yorkshire terriers," recalls Gavriele-Gold. "The Yorkies frequently ran across the room and landed in his lap while he was talking. This was totally intolerable to Sebastian; he took [the interruption] as a personal injury."

The problem? "He was basically repeating his childhood experience, when he was feeling slighted by his parents," says Gavriele-Gold. Sebastian and Sybil eventually broke up.

Sadly, couples with pet problems often just get rid of the animal.

"It's me or the pet," says Gavriele-Gold, and the animal frequently gets dumped at a shelter or euthanized. "It's one of the tragedies in this country," he says.

"I wish people would take a look inside themselves, rather than thinking it's a problem with the animal."